Hypocritical, much?
So today I had no plans. Went to orientation to get my picture taken for school and my schedule.  dropping physics. I must have been crazy to consider it. I might replace it with digital photography. :sparkle: 
Me, Kelly (my bf), and his friends Ryan and Teter ended up waiting in line 1 1/2 hours only to find out that we couldn't change our schedules cause the line was just there for people with "Choose a class" on the schedule. So that was lame.

Then Zach came over and we rocked out to some techno songs he wrote. So beast. I had a blast with him. His girlfriend so doesn't deserve him. I can't believe she's considering leaving him for some kid named Jacob again. She's such a bitch.

After he left I chilled till 7 or so and Jared and Summer came over. We got started on the subject of my phobia somehow cause she was informing him and he reached in his pocket and pulled out nothing and said "So if this was a needle in my hand what would you do?". Guys, I almost cried. This may be just a tad  bit  LOT worse than I thought it was initially.
Then everytime we were talking she and Jared would like...mash up against each other and end up having these little mini secret conversations and being touchy-feely in general. It's like "Oh. Thaaat's cool. Don't mind me-just gonna jump off the deck here. Holla if you notice."
This wouldn't piss me off  so much if she weren't always freakin complaining about me and Kelly. She thinks it's weird we're going out cause she's good friends with both of us. It's been 5 months. I'm getting tired of it. So it's like what the hell. Here comes in this douchebag and suddenly you're just allowed to sucker onto him like a desperate octopus and you shudder away from the slightest bit of contact I make with my DECENT, KIND, LOVING, NON-POT SMOKING boyfriend?! Where is the logic here? 
I gotta admit though, I've cried myself to sleep once or twice because it seems like no one can be happy for me outside of our families. We're "weird" and "it's awkward". Never have I received one compliment. And it's not like we're and unattractive couple either. I think we're pretty good looking. I don't understand what the problem is and it's frustrating
I just get so sick of people sometimes. I know a lot of them are my friends but they can be real insensitive assholes sometimes. Least they could do is say "I'm happy for you, Nel"
But nope. You two are a freakish couple. Happy birthday.

On the plus side Kel came over and he got me a book. Not just any book. "heat Wave" BY RICHARD CASTLE. THAT'S RIGHT. I'M AN OBSESSIVE CASTLE FAN. WATCH IT ON NBC MONDAYS AT 9 STARTING LIKE SEPT 23RD. |D
I squealed. 

Oh and another thing. Summer kept referring to me like I was a pet to show off like "OH LOOK AT HER SHE'S SO WEIRD HAHA AND SHE'S MY FRIEND HAHA". Everything I did was pointed at and pointed out and scrutinized like a new puppy. 
Obviously I've had my fill of her for the night.

First entry!

 Okay...so I've been having some problems lately. I don't exactly know whether I'm in love.
I think I am.
But sometimes I think, 'am I right? Is this what I'm supposed to feel?'. I know love is glamorized a lot in movies and books. It feels right to be with him. It does. And I can see us being together longer than the 5 months we've achieved so far (my longest relationship by 4 months FYI. I suck at commitment). I'm having problems fully letting him in, too. I want to but at the same time I don't know how and I'm scared. Ah, what to do. D:

wosh do I ever feel like my brain's been Novocain'd when he kisses me tho. It's impressive considering I'm constantly thinking too much
(which is why I got this confounded account. I figure I need a release and keeping all my thoughts in my head is gonna make me explode. It's certainly not a good thing that's for sure.) 

The point of this is, can anyone give me some advice? He's seriously the most perfect person on earth (despite his flaws) and I don't want to mess this up by some inability on my part to let him in. 


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