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I was talking to Kelly. I don't remember about what, but he decided that after five months it was time to come clean about something
He has an addiction to masturbation. 
I don't know how long I cried but I felt sick. He's so against it, too. He hates himself. And to think of the one I love hating himself just made my chest ache. 
I don't know what to do but rant in here about it since I've been sworn not to tell anyone (but Justine already knows). 
I'm not the type to deal with problems on my own. I tell people and I get it out there, if not JUST to get it out there. So this is new and difficult. I didn't know if I'd be able to eat today.
I don't know how but we're going to get through this. Saturday after the ACT we're going to sit down and make a plan for him to stop starting with a goal date. I won't hang out with or talk to him on the days he does do it (which is very often...and he's very honest) and I refuse to do anything with him until he's fixed it.
I wrote this about a month ago intending to post it online but then I got interrupted.
Since I wrote this entry he’s only done so twice and I’m very proud of him. We’re getting through it. We celebrated our 6 month on the 29th of September. :)
I really do love this kid. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Not sure if we will-I know things can change if not over time then in an instant but I’m hoping, praying to God that we will make it and nothing will change.
If you somehow got ahold of this url, Kelly (you little fucker), I love you. And no matter what happens, I always will.

Oh yeah. And I got a 26 on my ACT! TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WHO CALL ME AN IDIOT!

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Mmm, well I can say that I know where you're coming from. Definitely not from the same level, but having the boy be so violently against it, yes. But then my understanding kinda just stops there. orz

But uh it's good that he's improved so much (a whole ton, I assume since you underlined "very honest")in such a short amount of time.

Yeah. He's done it three times since then. I'm trying to lessen his disgust with himself. He seems to think doing that at ALL is disgusting when I think it's natural for guys to do it past a certain point. So I think getting him comfortable with himself is a huge step we need to take.
Like in the winter he feels ashamed even moisturizing his buddy (which he needs to do or it gets unbearably dry and such). Which he shouldn't feel.

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