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It HAS been a while, hasn't it? Almost a year! 

I forgot I had one of these thingies!
Whelp, update time~
School sucks but pfft as if that's anything new. I adore my teachers but I think I'll be leaving community college for a four year this fall [easier for me to concentrate].
I'm still with Kelly; celebrated our two year not too long ago.
Alisha is my BAMF of a wife. Fuckin adore her. I'm far closer with everyone in my family than I've ever been.
Also, my life has changed so incredibly drastically by the introduction of three shows to my life; Supernatural, Sherlock, and Doctor Who.
All of these shows stomp on your feelings and give you creys and you thank them for it because they have beautiful people and homoerotic subtext [well, Sherlock and Supernatural do].
Benedict Cumberbatch [I am a Cumberbitch] [holy fuck those cheekbones]
Jensen Ackles [rocks a mohawk in Ten Inch Hero but fuck me if he doesn't have the face of a goddamned angel] [those lips]
Jared Padalecki [I don't know how a 6'7" man manages to be adorable but he does. I love the moose] [those eyes]
AND MISHA FUCKING COLLINS EVERYONE. [DEVOUT Misha minion][that everything][WBB Church still convinced he's the antichrist, which I would totally be fine with][btw would probably have sex with him if granted the opportunity. Kelly knows this]. 
And on top of all this, the fandom surrounding it is amazing. Everyone can brag about their shows and their people but I've never seen such a phenomenon as in the Supernatural community. We've started charities, raised money, build houses, saved each other's lives, and interact with the stars in a way no other show can. All because we know that family don't end with blood. 
Also, I'm making my way down to Supernatural Con Chicago in October which is super exciting. I'll get to sing karaoke with Richard Speight Jr [Gabriel the Archangel] and Matt Cohen [Young John Winchester] and meet the entire cast. Even get a photo op with Misha [I have plans for this involving pink mustaches and knowing him he'll probably agree].
I'm only disappointed that Sebastian Roche won't be there to woo us all in Italian. [he played Balthazar...and is my icon lmao]. 
In joining the SPN community in December or so, I've gotten a tumblr [angel-with-a-TARDIS] and it's mildly popular. I don't post as much original content as I should but whelp, that's life. 
Also, I totally ship Dean/Castiel [Dean is Jensen and Cas is Misha] because Cas raised Dean from Hell, then rebelled against Heaven for him. Also eyesex. Glorious eyesex. And then death. And amnesia. And creys. But I'm getting ahead of myself.
Also since doing this, I've learned ASL and I'm actually enjoying speaking with my hands (what little I can do). I'm jobless right now but I plan to fix that. Everything will work out, I'm sure.
Besides, if worst comes to worst I got tons of pricey shit I have no use for just lying around. 
Life's been....well, amazing. It's never been more stable or more enjoyable. I don't go out very much (no money) but I have a blast every time I do, none of my friends are heedless assholes and I know the ones I have now genuinely care for me instead of just tolerating me or lashing out at me wantonly. I got tipsy as hell at Anime Detour and had a blast trying to play DDR and (unsuccessfully) trying to keep my Yoko wig from falling off. To break everything down in list form....
-My mom is still nutters [but adorable]
-Sister is still in Japan
-Dating Kelly
-Room has no business being this messy
-I am breathing
-I still play with my boobs for no apparent reason
-My ability to can
-Doctor Who
-Misha FUCKING Collins
-My entire room is gorgeous
-My hair is red as fuck
-I get along with everyone ever [except the SPN wife haters. Go fuck yourself if you don't like Genevieve, Vicki, or Daneel]
-I am now an aunt [kind of. Family friend. She's not much older than me but gave birth outta wedlock three days ago]
-There is only dust where my heart once was. It was fine before Season 6 of Supernatural or Season 2 of Sherlock.
-I hate everythingI love everything
-Pottermore is a thing
-Getting fans is apparently a things that happens when you internet successfully
-Lost Con virginity
-Wouldn't mind participating in a threesome
-It's under serious discussion fer realz
-I have no idea where I'm going in life, but I honestly want to be involved in tv shows. Behind camera, of course. Script supervisor or something obscure. 
-Yeah I think I'm running out of things to add
-Oh wait
-My cat died and to replace him we found a gorgeous stray [her name is Charlie] and bought a miniature named Millie. Tucker loves them and all the animals get along
-My boyfriend buys me food on a regular basis. He's learned how to earn my love.
                [PS it's with Chef Boyardee]

(no subject)
 Don't say I never listen. Because I've listened to you spill every insecurity, problem, and rant to me. My ears are full. Don't say I try to hurt you when you prod me with hurtful words. I'm no saint. I will return fire. Don't say you don't know where it came from when I do. Don't say I never text you because I do. Stop giving neutral responses. It seems everything you complain about is that I'm not a down-feathered pillow. I won't be your punching bag. 
Yes, I've hurt you. I understand that. But bitch, you just used the one thing you know I hate myself for against me as ammo. And for that, I hate you. Don't say I don't mean it and I'll feel bad when you're crying later. Because I won't, if not just because you tried to guilt me into apologizing. 

No, you haven't forgiven me if you bring up stuff as an excuse for why you're so distant. 

And honestly, I don't want you even speaking to Kel right now. I just am that mad that I don't want to know of your existence at the moment. Maybe it'll be different when I wake up in the morning, maybe not. Maybe I won't sleep. But either way, you have a problem with him and me hanging out so much? Well you have no right to complain. You've canceled on Kel for your boy. So shut up. You want to hang with me? Maybe if you texted or called. I'm no psychic. If it's just the fact that we spend a lot of time together, you can mind your own business. Just because I haven't been hanging with you or 'the group' doesn't mean I'm wrapped around him 24/7. Did you know I want to marry him? Probably not.
All of these problems are easily resolvable. Not all by you, but 80%. 
I sent you that text that night apologizing because I was feeling suicidal and I wanted at least someone to think well of me. But that backfired. Because you gave me these indifferent, "Oh. Well I'm sorry." answers to what I was telling you. Yeah, it pissed me off. Because I needed help. So I told you that. And you just said "Well we aren't as close as we used to be" because I'm too hurtful.  Reference previous wording in this entry. 
I understand that I've been hurtful. I take steps to try to prevent that now. Of course you wouldn't know. You just assume I'm the same person and treat me as such. 
You're impossible to get a point across to. If it weren't for the fact that I know how fun and nice you CAN be when you choose to and that our paths cross so often, I don't know if I would decide to take path A: reconciliation or path B: Indifference or just throw it all in the trash bin altogether.
I know somewhere deep down I love you. But with your words fresh on my cell phone screen and my head spinning, I hope you cry just as much as I have. I can't believe how, throughout all of this, you still tried to pretend like you did nothing wrong and everything was me. How presumptuously wrong of you. How dare you. 

(no subject)
 I got into a fight with my best friend. 
Of sorts.
See, I'm not sure if I did exactly what she's mad about. But I don't know if I didn't, either. 
I realize she's mad at me for possibly saying she's had sex before to a friend, but this is ridiculous. The more I think about it the more hurt and maddened I get. See, the whole reason she's upset is because she doesn't want her other friend (We will call her XX) to find out. XX is highly against sex before marriage and they've been on shakey ground for a while. 
What pisses me off so much is that our friendship is being ruined partly by my big mouth and partly by her friendship with XX. I realize I shouldn't have said anything and it wasn't my place if I did. I feel terrible. And even if she forgives me, I'm not sure I deserve to be her friend anymore. 
But what annoys me the most? That it's all my fault. Like no one else knows. I know it's rude of me to feel this way but I still do. Like her boyfriend doesn't go around saying he did her. 
If you don't want people to find out, don't do it. Life is rarely as complicated as we make it out to be sometimes. You shouldn't have to go around other peoples' backs to be happy and be yourself, is what I'm getting at. Honestly I think this stuff with XX is bullshit and I have for a while. Just freakin tell her already. Because it's only going to be worse in the long run if she finds out through the grapevine. 

Besides all that, I can't believe I used to think nothing could tear us apart. I used to tell myself sex wasn't going to change anything.
Fuck that.
We're not even speaking because of it. 
I just don't even know what to do. I'm starting to work through it and bound back so we better make up soon, or I'll heal without her and she won't be able to return to that place in my heart no matter how much we both may want it. Take it from experience. 

I was talking to Kelly. I don't remember about what, but he decided that after five months it was time to come clean about something
He has an addiction to masturbation. 
I don't know how long I cried but I felt sick. He's so against it, too. He hates himself. And to think of the one I love hating himself just made my chest ache. 
I don't know what to do but rant in here about it since I've been sworn not to tell anyone (but Justine already knows). 
I'm not the type to deal with problems on my own. I tell people and I get it out there, if not JUST to get it out there. So this is new and difficult. I didn't know if I'd be able to eat today.
I don't know how but we're going to get through this. Saturday after the ACT we're going to sit down and make a plan for him to stop starting with a goal date. I won't hang out with or talk to him on the days he does do it (which is very often...and he's very honest) and I refuse to do anything with him until he's fixed it.
I wrote this about a month ago intending to post it online but then I got interrupted.
Since I wrote this entry he’s only done so twice and I’m very proud of him. We’re getting through it. We celebrated our 6 month on the 29th of September. :)
I really do love this kid. I know I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Not sure if we will-I know things can change if not over time then in an instant but I’m hoping, praying to God that we will make it and nothing will change.
If you somehow got ahold of this url, Kelly (you little fucker), I love you. And no matter what happens, I always will.

Oh yeah. And I got a 26 on my ACT! TAKE THAT, PEOPLE WHO CALL ME AN IDIOT!

Some people.... (more for documentation purposes)
 I have this friend named Carter. Had. We were best friends at some point even though I knew he could be a bit mean sometimes  and he had/has a tendency to hit the bong quite often. To the pint of being pathetic.
One day Carter went to a party and went to get some booze from a nearby friend's house. He was a bit drunk and his friends were higher than a kite. A nearby car was hotboxing (a bunch of people were in it smoking pot with all the windows closed). On the way back from that friend's house, booze in hand, they found out that the cops had been called on the car and ended up getting a curfew ticket while the other guys got off scott free.
And I found out about this because I have friends who were at the party.
It's where my trouble started.
He was pissed I knew, then pissed I didn't believe him when he said that they didn't have booze or weed (honestly...why else would they leave the party? I know him better. Knew). He said we didn't need to talk anymore if I wasn't going to believe him so I told him the only time we didn't need to talk anymore was when he decided our friendship wasn't worth it. He then assumed I was crying and told me to stop (not in a nice 'I'm-worried-about-you' way either). I wasn't even tearing up. That's how much we've drifted from being glued at the hip.
Then he started saying I don't care about him since I haven't talked to him this summer much. Well, I haven't talked to a lot of people first of all. I'm kinda preoccupied with being a lazy teenager and having a boyfriend/job.
I told him this plus other stuff I've been doing (like camping for a month) and then told him I couldn't trust him because he would always smoke pot and lie to me about it even though I have ten people saying they smoked a bowl with him and that he couldn't keep secrets and that other people were always telling me he didn't treat me right. He started blaming me but I cut him off and rambled about how he's always harping on me and blaming me and ignoring his mistakes.
After a few hateful words he apologized.
"So you think...that you can bash me..apologize...and expect it to be alright without some work on your part? Don't work with a computer and certainly not with me. My advice? Fix it."
What I said in response.
Then he said he was kidding he only apologizes when it's important. I'm guessing it was supposed to hurt me but all it did was irritate me. He was pretty much proving all those people right. So I kinda let my temper go after that.
"You're the biggest ass ever. Along with having the biggest ass. I hope you have a terrible senior year. It'd hardly be anything compared to what I went through to try to stay friends with your fat, sorry, pot-smoking, lying sack-of-shit ass. Karma. It's a bitch. But you deserve it."
----"Haha alright you stupid class failing date every Guy for a week whore. Have a great senior year. And then your next senior year too."
"That and I'm pretty sure your dumb ass can't do anything right academically. I own your pretentious ass there. Oh sorry are my words too big? Let me dumb it down: fuck you"

----"Just wanna let you know I'm not bothered by this :3" and "Umm wat I no understand wat u sed. Derrr. Wtf I'm not 4. Get a comback you stanky bitch."
"Good because I don't need you crying on my conscience.  I'm going to make myself a friend egg and go to bed dreaming of kel and then go to the fair tomorrow. BTW you aren't fooling me. Get some grammar lessons, a shower, some deodorant, and some acting lessons."
----"You actually think I'm dumb as a rock. I guarantee  am smarter than you in the things that actually matter. But you go and try to figure out how the stove works you dumb bitch. Try and cook an egg(btw they come from chickens) and go to sleep..Just remember, you're a dumb bitch that has 3 friends and also fuck you lol I hope you die"
"Dumbass. My father owned a restaurant. I know my way around a stove. You on the other hand couldn't find your own ass with both hands and a map"
----"Found it you dumb bitch!"
"Not hard considering it's so huge but you surpassed my expectations. Going to put it on your list of achievements on your application to college? If you make it that far?
Of course we all know that's not happening since the pot has liquified your already small brain."
----"But quick and painless because long and painful is too mean :) haha goodnight donkey-face"
"Remember that one time? When you asked me out and unbiasedly called me beautiful? Cause I do. :)"
----"Haha you're stuck on pot. I find that funny since your also stuck on being a bitch! Nel everything you say makes me laugh hahaha Idc what you think about me because I may have liked you before but now I think your actually truthfully ugly. Yeah you have a damn fine sexy body but a butterface"
"And you know I don't. You aren't going to make me cry. All you're doing is making me sigh at your attempts. You aren't my friend. Your words don't hurt me. Any more than a...scratch that. A stranger's  would hurt more because they have a clean slate. I don't even like you as a person at this point."
----"Your attempts to make me feel bad are the same. But hey I have friends now that I care about more than I ever cared about you."

""Truth. Since you obviously never cared for me at all. So are we done? Finally?"
----"Yes we are done goodnight"
----"Merry Christmas"

Wow that was long. But it's how it went word-for-word. We aren't friends anymore. This school year is going to be awkward.....

Yu-Gi-Oh, anyone?
 So Kel and I played Yu-Gi-Oh the other day. I got my ass handed to me but oh well
I was going through my cards this morning and found I have one 1st edition Blue eyes and one 1st edition Dark Magician. Yes, I checked, they're authentic in every way. As excited as this made me, I got on the internet and found out that really, I wouldn't get more than 30 bucks for them. Even if they are "Ultra Rare". Maybe in another 30 years.
In the meantime, I'm wrestling with my addiction to Jimmy John's. Seriously. wth. It's annoying having these giant cravings. I can get a loaf of day old bread for 75 cents and they use Hellman's mayo. I can get lettuce. And provolone cheese. BUT WHERE THE HECK AM I GOING TO GET ME THE ROAST BEEF THEY HAVE.
It would be cheaper to just get the jar of mayo, packet of cheese, lettuce, bread, and meat, than to actually satisfy said cravings with a fresh JJ every time I crave. The fact that I'm contemplating it this way just means I need help.
I really have nothing interesting to say today other than that haha.

Peace out? 


I got my lovely friend today. I will refer to him as Kanye (because he constantly interrupts and disrupts my plans and thought process) from now on. It huuuuuurts. I can't feel the joints in my legs very well and I'm exhausted and bloaty. I don't wanna go to work one damn bit even if my shift isn't very long.
Jimmy John's is a tough gig, too. No joke their standards are WAY up there and if you can be successful there, you can be successful anywhere. It takes a lot of hard work and dedication, which I've been in short supply of so maybe the job is good for me. It's bad in the respect that I constantly am frustrated by the fact that I keep making mistakes. On some level I know that they're forgivable; I'm a new employee and I'm being trained in fast (its a lot to take in). But on another I feel like I should be able to do this perfect and not make the same mistake twice. It's hard when you're in a rush tho. Sigh.

I'll have a number 10 later today. No tomatoes. Tomatoes are yuuuckkyyyyyy

Our Five Month and His 17th
So today was Kel's birthday. And our 5 month (I can't believe it's been this long already :) )
He even took work off today so we could go to the State Fair to celebrate and see one of his best friends perform. But he ended up getting sick. :(
It's so saddd.
We had ribs and cake and watched Star Wars episode 1. Or the most of it. It was pretty good, considering I've never seen it before.
His family is so awkwardly kind it's cute. It's no wonder I feel like I'm intruding sometimes. :3
On the plus side, for reasons I will not disclose, Tina's friend Alycia is sleeping over for a week! I'M GOING TO KIDNAP HER IN HER SLEEP AND MAKE HER SLEEP IN MY ROOM. SHE'S MY OTHER BLACK SISTER. [hey Summer]
My dad won a coupon booklet for the State Fair and five free tickets so we might end up going on Tues or Fri but I hear there's supposed to be some bad weather on Tuesday. Plus I don't know about Kel's work schedule [I know....I'm terrible for not knowing haha]

So all in all this is a relatively short and non-ranty entry (What a change of pace, eh?)

Peace out, guys :]


Writer's Block: A riddle wrapped in a mystery inside an enigma
What message would you put into a fortune cookie?

This message will now self destruct....nahh JK eat your cookie. 

Sibling Rivalries
Okay, is it just me or are sisters a pain in the arse? 
I must be worse than I thought to my little sister Ali...cause Kelly just called me a bitch (not out of spite) and he usually withholds his opinions.
But honestly. She "whatever"s all my thank-you's and she's just very rude and snappish in general. I'll be talking to someone and she jumps in and tries to rip me apart whether she was part of the original conversation or not. I want to smack her with a fish sometimes. 

Anyways, yesterday was an amazing day. :) Me and Kelly just hung out at his house and talked. He played guitar and I read the "Heat Wave" book he got me. It's a little difficult to get through because the tone is so informative and stiff so it's hard to divulge any personality from it. But the characters are (unrealistically) witty and its very cliche. :P Just how I'd expect a book written By "Richard Castle" to be. But honestly. There's a tabloid writer named Jameson Rook. Really. I wonder who that could be based off of. 
He started making out with my leg at one point and suddenly took on a French accent. 

*glares at me* "Excusez-moi, madame. A little privacy?" *continues making out*
      "If you love it so much why don't you marry it?"
"Ah! Good idea! Will you marry me? Yes? Fantastic, we are wed!"
      "You aren't married to it!"
"Yes I am!"
      "You don't speak leg!" 

Anyways, point being it was an awesome day :)
Then we went to his Opa's house and celebrated his 73rd birthday. His family is so low key compared to mine. No throwing insults or anything, just chillaxin and eating cake. They're very nice though. :)  [AND HIS OPA IS ADORABLE. I LOVE OLD PEOPLE OMG. He even gave me a hug! x3]