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balthazar
asta_faolan
 Don't say I never listen. Because I've listened to you spill every insecurity, problem, and rant to me. My ears are full. Don't say I try to hurt you when you prod me with hurtful words. I'm no saint. I will return fire. Don't say you don't know where it came from when I do. Don't say I never text you because I do. Stop giving neutral responses. It seems everything you complain about is that I'm not a down-feathered pillow. I won't be your punching bag. 
Yes, I've hurt you. I understand that. But bitch, you just used the one thing you know I hate myself for against me as ammo. And for that, I hate you. Don't say I don't mean it and I'll feel bad when you're crying later. Because I won't, if not just because you tried to guilt me into apologizing. 

No, you haven't forgiven me if you bring up stuff as an excuse for why you're so distant. 

And honestly, I don't want you even speaking to Kel right now. I just am that mad that I don't want to know of your existence at the moment. Maybe it'll be different when I wake up in the morning, maybe not. Maybe I won't sleep. But either way, you have a problem with him and me hanging out so much? Well you have no right to complain. You've canceled on Kel for your boy. So shut up. You want to hang with me? Maybe if you texted or called. I'm no psychic. If it's just the fact that we spend a lot of time together, you can mind your own business. Just because I haven't been hanging with you or 'the group' doesn't mean I'm wrapped around him 24/7. Did you know I want to marry him? Probably not.
All of these problems are easily resolvable. Not all by you, but 80%. 
I sent you that text that night apologizing because I was feeling suicidal and I wanted at least someone to think well of me. But that backfired. Because you gave me these indifferent, "Oh. Well I'm sorry." answers to what I was telling you. Yeah, it pissed me off. Because I needed help. So I told you that. And you just said "Well we aren't as close as we used to be" because I'm too hurtful.  Reference previous wording in this entry. 
I understand that I've been hurtful. I take steps to try to prevent that now. Of course you wouldn't know. You just assume I'm the same person and treat me as such. 
You're impossible to get a point across to. If it weren't for the fact that I know how fun and nice you CAN be when you choose to and that our paths cross so often, I don't know if I would decide to take path A: reconciliation or path B: Indifference or just throw it all in the trash bin altogether.
I know somewhere deep down I love you. But with your words fresh on my cell phone screen and my head spinning, I hope you cry just as much as I have. I can't believe how, throughout all of this, you still tried to pretend like you did nothing wrong and everything was me. How presumptuously wrong of you. How dare you. 


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