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balthazar
asta_faolan
 I got into a fight with my best friend. 
Of sorts.
See, I'm not sure if I did exactly what she's mad about. But I don't know if I didn't, either. 
I realize she's mad at me for possibly saying she's had sex before to a friend, but this is ridiculous. The more I think about it the more hurt and maddened I get. See, the whole reason she's upset is because she doesn't want her other friend (We will call her XX) to find out. XX is highly against sex before marriage and they've been on shakey ground for a while. 
What pisses me off so much is that our friendship is being ruined partly by my big mouth and partly by her friendship with XX. I realize I shouldn't have said anything and it wasn't my place if I did. I feel terrible. And even if she forgives me, I'm not sure I deserve to be her friend anymore. 
But what annoys me the most? That it's all my fault. Like no one else knows. I know it's rude of me to feel this way but I still do. Like her boyfriend doesn't go around saying he did her. 
If you don't want people to find out, don't do it. Life is rarely as complicated as we make it out to be sometimes. You shouldn't have to go around other peoples' backs to be happy and be yourself, is what I'm getting at. Honestly I think this stuff with XX is bullshit and I have for a while. Just freakin tell her already. Because it's only going to be worse in the long run if she finds out through the grapevine. 

Besides all that, I can't believe I used to think nothing could tear us apart. I used to tell myself sex wasn't going to change anything.
Fuck that.
We're not even speaking because of it. 
I just don't even know what to do. I'm starting to work through it and bound back so we better make up soon, or I'll heal without her and she won't be able to return to that place in my heart no matter how much we both may want it. Take it from experience. 

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